I was never one for formalities, quite different from the rest of my family. While my sisters dreamed of their weddings and starting families, I had something else in mind: finding independence, living alone in a new city, and building a career I loved. I always knew that meeting someone special could change everything, but marriage was never a priority for me.
I understand that, for many, marriage represents the ultimate bond with a partner. I never judged that, but for a long time, I believed it simply wasn’t for me. A piece of paper didn’t define love – if I loved someone, I would love them unconditionally, regardless of a legal contract. I assumed marriage wouldn’t change a thing. But I was wrong.
A Proposal on My Own Terms
Everything shifted when I met my husband. When you love someone deeply, you want to build a life together. Even though I still don’t believe a marriage certificate is essential, I knew that if we did marry, it would be on our terms. So, the first unconventional thing we did? I proposed to him. Right on the doorstep of our apartment, with no ring, no elaborate plan – just a moment that felt right. He said yes, delighted.
For years, we didn’t consider actually getting married. We both knew we didn’t want a traditional wedding. A church ceremony wasn’t necessary, though I sometimes imagined my father walking me down an aisle.
Our Wedding, Our Way
Then COVID happened. Life became a repetitive cycle, isolation took its toll, and we struggled to stay motivated. In the midst of it all, we decided to have a baby. When we found out I was pregnant in 2021, we realized we wanted to be married before our child arrived. That’s when the idea of eloping became real. We set a date and told no one except our closest friends, who would be our witnesses. And just like that, we put things into motion.
We got married – on our own terms. It was intimate, simple, and perfect. We chose our anniversary as our wedding date, making it even more meaningful. We were happy, but I knew my family wouldn’t be. Instead of enjoying our day, I felt overwhelmed with anxiety. Pregnant and already navigating a challenging time, I braced myself for their reaction. And as expected, they were furious.
My mother cried for months. While they congratulated us, their words were laced with resentment: “I’ll never forgive you,” “I was doing God knows what while my own daughter was getting married,” “I didn’t deserve this.” Even now, years later, I still hear their disappointment. It wasn’t enough that I was pregnant during a global crisis. I also had to endure emotional guilt from my family.
Standing By My Choices
Instead of supporting us, my parents fixated on their own disappointment. At 32, I still struggle with their refusal to respect my choices and my new family. It hurts. But here’s what I know for sure: there is absolutely nothing wrong with eloping. My husband and I did what was best for us, and I have no regrets.
Someday, we might have a larger celebration. Maybe my father will walk me down the aisle, or maybe he won’t. Perhaps I’ll get an engagement ring a decade later – or maybe I’ll buy one for my husband instead. What truly matters is that we are happy. And I wish my family could be happy for me, too.
The next time my mother says, “I hope your daughter does the same to you,” I will smile and say, “I hope so too.” Because above all else, I want my daughter to grow up knowing she has the freedom to make her own choices – and that I will respect them, just as I wish my parents had respected mine.
No Regrets
At the end of the day, love is not about grand ceremonies, extravagant receptions, or meeting the expectations of others. Love is about partnership, trust, and building a life together in a way that feels right. I hope that one day, my family will understand that my choices don’t diminish my love for them – just as their traditions don’t define mine. Until then, I stand by my decision, knowing that I chose happiness, love, and authenticity over obligation. And that is something I will never regret.
So yes, I truly believe there is nothing wrong with eloping without telling everyone. But I do believe it’s wrong to criticise others for how they choose to celebrate their love. What about you? If you’re married, how did you do it? Would you change anything? Did you face judgment for your choices? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
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