Here I am, trying to be a good mother, wife, and daughter – but somewhere along the way, I’ve forgotten how to be me. A million daily tasks fill my endless mental to-do lists. Worries pile up, and someone might say – “Well, that’s what you signed up for.” Maybe they’re right. But that doesn’t mean I can’t have an identity crisis.
Before becoming a mother, I always knew I wanted to work, write, and take care of myself and those around me. But motherhood changed everything. Suddenly, there was no more me – only us. And while I love that, it’s not always easy. I still remember the days when my biggest concern was what I’d eat or making sure I got to work on time. Life had structure, and I think I miss that.
Motherhood shifted me in ways I never expected. And somewhere along the way, I – Erika – got lost. Some days, everything feels aligned. I’m happy, my work is fulfilling, the house is clean, and all the laundry is done. Life feels good. But then there are other days – days when I feel nervous for no reason. My child is struggling with emotions, and suddenly, I’m questioning everything. My job. My parenting. The way we divide household chores. The way I feel in my own skin. Hormones rage, self-doubt creeps in, and I wonder: Is this what my life is supposed to be?
I still don’t fully know who I am. And yet, I have to help my child figure out who she wants to be. That realization sometimes hits me like a wave, leaving me panicked. What if my own uncertainty somehow harms her? What if my struggles with self-identity make it harder for her to find herself?
But here’s what I do know: I am trying. I am doing my best to raise my child with love and intention. I can only hope I’m getting it right. And even if my husband and I make mistakes, we’ll navigate them together. The next step? Learning how to love myself better. Because so much of my frustration stems from self-criticism. I am my own harshest judge, and maybe – just maybe – it’s time to ease up.
Finding My Way Back to Myself
- Think About What You Want – Without Guilt
I need to take time to consider what I want – without guilt. Even if it doesn’t bring immediate financial success, even if it means prioritizing myself sometimes. My husband supports me, and I need to lean into that. I’ll start by writing down what makes me happy each week. A personal list of things that bring me joy, no matter how small. Maybe it’s reading a book, taking a walk alone, or even just sitting quietly with a cup of coffee. These moments aren’t selfish – they’re necessary. They remind me that I’m more than just a caregiver. I’m a person with my own dreams and desires.
- Try, Even If You Fail
I want to do the things that make me happy – without fear of failure. Instead of focusing on success, I’ll focus on effort. If I love writing, I’ll carve out time each day just for that. Even if what I write isn’t great. Even if it feels like nothing. The act of writing itself will make me a better writer. One step at a time, I’ll build my confidence. Maybe I’ll start with a short story and see where that takes me. And if it doesn’t work out? That’s okay. Failure isn’t the end – it’s part of the journey.
- Believe in Yourself More
Beyond work, I need to trust myself as a parent. People will always have opinions – family, friends, even strangers – but I have to stand firm in what feels right for my family. Even at thirty, criticism from my parents and siblings still stings. But it’s time to hear them, acknowledge their views, and then choose my path. I remind myself that I know my child better than anyone else. I am her safe space, her guide, and her biggest cheerleader. That’s enough.
- Broaden Your Identity
While motherhood is a huge part of who I am, it’s not the only part. I’m also a writer, a friend, a dreamer, and a lifelong learner. I’m rediscovering the things that make me feel alive outside of my roles. Maybe it’s reconnecting with family, picking up a hobby I abandoned, or simply allowing myself to dream again. By embracing all the facets of my identity, I’m showing my child that it’s possible to be many things at once – and that’s beautiful.
- Be the Person You Want Your Child to Become
Through all of this, I remind myself that my child is watching. She is one of the two most important people in my life. And if I want her to grow into someone confident and self-assured, I have to model that myself. I want to show her what self-love and self-acceptance look like. The best way to make her proud is to first be proud of myself.
A Work in Progress
So, no – I haven’t completely figured myself out. But I’m trying. And while I navigate my own journey, I am also helping those around me do the same. I support my husband, I love my child, and I push myself to be better. It’s exhausting. It’s a constant battle against insecurities, fears, and self-doubt. But it’s worth it.
I hope one day I will figure it all out. And when I do, I’ll be there for others who are still searching.
Are you like me, still figuring things out? Or have you found your sense of self? If so, how did you do it? How did you know that you were living the life meant for you? I’d love to hear from you – please share your thoughts in the comments.
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