“You never know, that’s selfish, your child will want a sibling, what if…” These are just a few of the comments we’ve heard when people question our decision to have only one child. But I wonder – what do you gain from asking these questions? Do you think my husband and I will change our minds?
Before we became parents, we weren’t even sure parenthood suited us. For a long time, it was just the two of us, and we were happy with that. But as we grew together, we began discussing the possibility of having a child. After much thought, we decided: Okay, let’s do this.
Our road to parenthood wasn’t easy. We lost our first child due to my health problems, and that loss left a scar that no one should endure alone. Fortunately, we got lucky the second time. My pregnancy went well, and nine months later, our baby girl arrived.
Adjusting to life as parents was a journey. I secretly hoped everything would come naturally, but it didn’t. I breastfed her, responded to every little whim, cried with her, and slept with her. But soon, I realized something important: parenthood is not for me. It is a commitment I’ve embraced wholeheartedly for my daughter, but we won’t be having another child. I love our baby girl more than life itself but we decided to stop there.
The Judgment We Face
What hurts the most is how friends and family have reacted. Our daughter is now two and a half, and the questions keep coming: When are you having another? We’re honest about our choice not to have more children, but instead of support, we’re met with judgment.
Here’s a short list of the comments we often hear:
- You’re so selfish.
- You’re not thinking about your child.
- What if something happens to her? You’ll be alone.
- She would be so happy with a sibling.
- You’ll regret this later.
- Don’t you think it’s unfair to her?
Some people even ask my two-and-a-half-year-old if she wants a sibling, as though her response should dictate our decisions.
A Different Perspective
No one seems to consider how these comments make us feel as parents. It’s as though prioritizing my happiness and well-being makes me a bad parent. But the truth is, my love for my daughter is endless. I will always be there for her, no matter what.
In many ways, I believe I have more time to dedicate to her because I’m not dividing my attention among multiple children. She has a family of relatives who adore her, and she’ll form friendships in kindergarten and school. Her life won’t be diminished by our decision to have only one child.
I have two sisters, and I love them deeply. But if I had been an only child, I wouldn’t know the difference. Today, I have friends who are like family to me – proof that relationships aren’t limited to blood ties.
Being a parent doesn’t mean abandoning my identity or career. I deeply respect parents who juggle multiple children or sacrifice everything to be stay-at-home parents. But no one ever questions their choices. Do you see the hypocrisy? Parenthood is difficult, no matter the family size, and I admire all parents for navigating their unique journeys.
Breaking the Taboo
Talking about this topic feels taboo, even in today’s world. People expect you to conform to a certain model of family life. When someone makes an unconventional choice, they’re often ridiculed. But you never know what someone else is going through.
Perhaps a couple had a traumatic birth, or maybe they can’t afford more children. Maybe they simply don’t want them. There are countless stories behind every choice. The best we can do is support one another. After all, happy parents make for happy children – no matter the number.
What Do You Think?
Do you think it’s okay to have only one child, or do you believe families should be bigger? Would you ever comment on a parent’s choice, knowing how much it might hurt? Let’s start a conversation – not with judgment, but with understanding.
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