Lately, I’ve been growing increasingly frustrated every time someone comments on my looks, personal choices, or even my opinions. It makes me wonder: why? What do people gain by pointing out my weight, criticizing my tattoos, or questioning my decision to have only one child?
It’s disheartening that we live in a world where so much pressure is placed on conforming to others’ expectations. In the end, it’s our life to live as we see fit. Yet, for some reason, our families, friends, and even acquaintances feel compelled to weigh in on our personal choices. Is it because doing so makes them feel better about themselves? Or is it simply because they believe their opinions are universal truths that everyone else should abide by?
Here are some of the judgments I’ve faced—and why I find them so hard to endure.
It’s really selfish to have an only child
This is the comment I hear most often. My daughter is two and a half years old, and apparently, she can’t possibly grow up happy or fulfilled without a sibling. People frequently tell me – and my husband – that we’re selfish. They insist our daughter would be better off with a sibling, and by not giving her one, we’re somehow failing her.
But here’s the truth: we didn’t even plan to have children initially. When we eventually decided to have a child, we agreed she would be our only one. We’ve been open about this from the start. We adore our daughter and want to give her all the love and support we can, but we know our limits. This decision works for us.
So why is it so difficult for others to accept? Why can’t they just respect our choice instead of constantly asking when I’m having another baby? If you don’t like my answer, that doesn’t give you the right to ask the same question over and over.
You could lose some weight
This comment stings every time. I’ve dealt with weight-related criticism for as long as I can remember – starting in primary school. I’ve always been slightly overweight, except for a brief period in college when I worked hard to become thin. Ironically, during that time, people told me I looked too skinny and unhealthy.
Then COVID hit, and like many, my husband and I fell into unhealthy habits. I gained a little weight. Later, I experienced pregnancy complications, which led to hormonal imbalances and further weight gain. The situation was emotionally and physically taxing.
Now, I eat healthily and stay active year-round, yet I still hear unsolicited advice about my weight. Here’s the thing: I know my body. I’m not the skinny ideal some people expect women to embody, but I’m doing my best to stay healthy. Isn’t that what matters most? It’s time for society to stop equating beauty with a specific size.
It’s not normal to do this/that
Everyone has opinions, and that’s fine. What’s not fine is when people use their opinions to belittle others or make them feel inadequate. Criticism, especially of people you don’t even know, often serves no purpose other than to spread negativity. What do you really gain by tearing someone else down? Sometimes, silence is the kindest and most constructive response.
Why it matters
I could list countless examples of how people’s comments or actions have hurt others – often unnecessarily. What bothers me most is how easily we evaluate others based on our own beliefs, without considering the impact our words might have.
Personally, I’ve chosen to stay silent during many conversations with family members whose views differ from mine. It’s not because I lack opinions, but because I’d rather preserve peace than argue about things that likely won’t change. This approach works for me, but it’s not ideal. Open-mindedness and understanding are crucial if we want to build a more compassionate world.
The world is changing – slowly but surely. I believe the future can be brighter than the past, but that requires effort from all of us. We need to stop judging others for their looks, choices, or differences. Instead of offering criticism, try giving a compliment or engaging in a meaningful conversation. You never know what someone else is going through, and a little kindness can go a long way.
Do you dislike prejudice and the way it manifests in daily life? If so, take a moment to reflect on your own behaviour. Are you unconsciously judging others? If so, challenge yourself to break that habit. Replace criticism with encouragement and try to understand others rather than imposing your views on them. You might find the experience more rewarding than you expect.
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